musings, this crazy life


Resolutions 2I don’t know about anyone else, but it feels like January lasted FOREVER. And you know what? Even though the month felt like it lasted a bajillion days, I still managed to avoid making any resolutions.

I’ll be honest. I never make any real resolutions for the New Year because my track record for keeping them is not great. Instead, I usually try to reflect on the past year, how my life has changed (good or bad), take stock of where I am in my relationships with myself and others, and basically go into the year with a fresh sense of optimism.

It’s been hard being optimistic the past month or so. When I lost my job, there was a part of me that was ready for a new adventure and excited that my severance would give me the opportunity most people don’t have: take the time to find a job I truly wanted. Well, I’ve found plenty of “ideal” jobs, but they haven’t panned out. Instead of emailing resumes, I might as well just be throwing them into a black hole. You either don’t hear back, get rejected right away, or get rejected months later with no explanation. When you do follow up, you rarely get any reason as to why you didn’t make the cut.

I started this year off by getting rejected from a job I really had my heart set on and loved, and rejected from another one that would have been ideal for our family financially. It’s really hard to move on from that when you’ve been looking and applying and crossing your fingers for seven months. Then this past week, I found out I was given the wrong information about applying for unemployment and that we could have been in a much better place right now if I had the correct information from day one. Lesson learned, albeit a very hard lesson to learn the way I did.

So what do you do when it seems like the whole universe is against you? How do you move on? In my case, I have no choice. I just do. I sobbed on the phone with the woman from unemployment and called my husband and vented. I called an old coworker and asked her to murder someone from our HR department who gave me the wrong information (and while the coworker declined my murder request, it did feel better to vent). And now, I move on.

I look at how things have changed. I take stock. I try to refresh my optimism with the thought that God and the universe have something bigger and better in store for me. And now, I’m starting my year over. January was just a trial month, right? So let’s make some resolutions now.

I resolve to do the following things this year:

I will stop comparing myself to other people who are making more money, have everything working out for them, and are seemingly not struggling. Because we all struggle in one way or another, and someday I will have it all together too.

I will take care of myself more. More sleep, more reading, more crocheting, more peace. I will take stock of where I am at the end of each day and figure out what I need to do differently the next day that will improve where I am in my head and heart.

I will lose the rest of the baby weight. Not because I want to fit into a bathing suit this summer. Not because I want skinny jeans (although I do really want to fit into my skinny jeans again). But because I have a 17 month old who depends on me and my husband for everything in her world, and I want to be there for her as long as possible, as healthy as possible. I want to be comfortable in my own body again and feel good and vibrant and awake.

I will focus on the most important things in my life: the people that love me. In the end, they are the ones that support me, listen to me, give me a shoulder to cry on, and cheer me on. And at the end of the day, if you have people that love you, you have a gift that is far more special than anything monetary you can be given.

I will thrive. It doesn’t matter what job I find or don’t find, it matters that I am healthy and happy and loved, and that I return that happiness and love to others in my life. I will succeed no matter what, because success has all different shapes and forms.

For once, these are some resolutions I think I can stick by. Who wants to join me?